Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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