but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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