.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
