I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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