Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
