just come out here and I will go home with you...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
