What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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