dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
