I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
