If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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