Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
