You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
