drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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