2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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