I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
