I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
