I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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