I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
