Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
