Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
