I faked an abortion last night.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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