why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
