OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
