i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Fuck appropriateness.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
