The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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