It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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