honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
