THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
