and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
