i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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