I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
