ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
