it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
