Don't make out with my wife yet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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