i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
