she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
bring money and cleavage
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
