I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so much tequila, so little girl.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
