he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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