I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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