I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
