I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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