I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
