We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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