my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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