i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
