I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
