I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
