Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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