Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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