it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
