I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
